My Retirement Mantra: "Letting Go"

Paul Rudersdorf walks us through the complexities of simplicity; why more isn't, and why less is. Thankfully, we have Paul to help us navigate the maze of owning little, but possessing much. 

Empty Apartment

I am 65 years old. For the first time in 40 years, I am living alone in a furnished apartment.  Going back to my twenties, I had always owned my own home and all that went with it. As I look around, I see what I am merely using or borrowing. The couch, refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, kitchen table, beds, shower curtains, and bedding are not mine. Neither are the forks or the spoons, the corkscrew, the spatula or the plates. It is kind of funny when I think about it. I had a lot of things in storage, but I donated it all to those who wanted it more than I did. It felt great to free myself of the stuff!  I would think that after a seemingly successful career, that I would desire to have more things that are proof of a life well lived.  A source of pride, relevance, definition and happiness perhaps or at least something to show and feel good about. Maybe a new home and cabin and a big boat on a lake. I don’t have any of these. I am also not searching for them. I cannot fit much in my apartment, which allows me to focus more on not acquiring and more on doing the things I like to do. I am done accumulating.

My toys include a couple of kayaks, a few bikes, snowshoes, and 20-year-old cross-country skis. I am not trying to make a statement or take a position on my minimalism. I am just in a different place. I have been on this journey for a while. Call it spiritual perhaps, to define for myself who I am and what matters to me. I am in no place to judge anyone who prizes material things, it just isn’t my thing. There were many years that I somewhat defined myself by my job title (I work 10 hours per week in a homeless shelter today). Up until now, I largely had done what I thought I should do versus what I wanted to do. I mostly followed the path of what was expected of me.

When I think about it, everything I possess is borrowed. What does it mean to be an owner of anything? Is it more than a legal concept? Why would I feel better about owning a home versus renting? Can I own anything? Is it merely a feeding of my ego to say I own something?

If I live to 90, knowing the world has been here for billions of years, what will it mean to  have had a legal right to something if I know I give it up when I die? Ownership implies control. What control do I have over my things, my relationships, or random events?  I control little more than my thoughts.

It is a good time in my life to explore what matters most.

 

 

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