Happiness Should Come From Helping Others

I am just pulling out of my parking lot for the last time, my 1965 Chevy Belair full of everything I own.I am trekking to Milwaukee to my one-room apartment, glancing into the backseat which is completely occupied by my stereo and large speakers. My clothes and belongings occupy my trunk and front seat. The year is 1981. After two years of sleeping on the floor with an old mattress and blanket, I will soon be sleeping in an actual bed, though it is not mine. I am 22 and leaving University of Wisconsin-Whitewater for the last time, to try and make it through law school (an infamous 8-week endeavor that ended in an Irish pub). I am without possessions, without a job, and venturing to something unknown. I feel liberated, happy, energized. No looking back. Flash forward to 2024. I just finished cleaning my apartment and have turned on my Christmas lights and some meditation music. Glancing around, I see pictures of my family and those close to me that bring me joy. I have a full refrigerator, the heat is on, I just finished meditating and rehashing all the things I am grateful for, and I am happy that this week’s biopsy was completely benign. I am 65. Much has happened in the prior 43 years, but these simple moments are descriptions of times when I have been very happy. I had then and have now little clutter and have removed as much noise in my life as possible. For me, that brings pleasure. During my past 43 years, I have learned a lot about myself. In chasing the stereotypical dream of a traditional job and successful career, I noticed I had created a self often motivated by other’s or society’s expectations of me. I was in conflict a lot, and often found myself walking alone in the woods seeking quiet and a clear mind, wondering what I was chasing and what the end goal should be, if that was even a valid thought. I still wonder sometimes, because as a human, I am guilty of temptation and the temporary enjoyment of things outside of my thoughts and emotions. It is interesting to me that I sit here today at 10:00am, with nothing on my agenda and knowing that after journalizing for a bit more, I will get back to my book, and then decide on how I would like to exercise today. I have no agenda and am content, and certainly not guilty that every hour is not accounted for. Often, I have walked into a friend’s house that was bigger and much more expensive than mine, driven in more luxurious cars, and have known acquaintances with much more money than me. This had caused brief moments of envy, but I was always able to bring myself back to the point where I knew these things were all external and not a picture of success as I had defined it. But I have had many of these moments of outside desires in my life. I am only human. Happiness is a personal thing for sure. I have this writing by the Dali Lama framed and sitting on an end table (the landlord owns the end table). It is his simple definition of how one acquires happiness. The central theme of his message is that our happiness comes from helping others. As I ponder this, I have gotten the greatest satisfaction helping my daughters, my mother when she was alive, people in need, and my partner. Sometimes I am guilty of expecting something in return, which defeats the purpose of giving selflessly. I am working at this and have increased my awareness.