Good Grief: Reflections On Grieving Loss
I’ve been thinking about death lately. Unfortunately, a lot of friends and acquaintances have died recently and it’s really on my mind. Not death exactly, but rather grief. It seems like there is a compartment in your heart where grief lives. And this compartment is graduated from greatest to least, and that our emotions are triggered by where the individual, pet, or “thing” falls into an arbitrary hierarchy that is organized by our subconscious.
For example, a very good friend of mine died recently, I knew him for years. We golfed together, partied together, drank together. We had a business relationship for a while, and when he died, I felt remorse, I felt badly, I felt a sense of loss, but it wasn’t grief as I think of it, or as it is defined.
keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret
DEFINITION FOR GRIEF: (1 OF 1)
But on the other hand, two of our friends who I have not seen in a while died recently and I sincerely feel a deep sense of loss and sadness that can only be described as grief. And just the other day, Teri let me know of an acquaintance who passed suddenly. I didn’t really know her but she was always very kind to me and Teri, and I am truly sad for her loss and for the pain her family is going through.
I have felt grief and loss in my life that I thought I would never get over and in some ways never have. I can still feel the sting of their loss like it was yesterday. But, what fascinates me is how the hierarchy is built. What criteria does your mind use to built the bomb that ignites upon the news of someone’s passing that triggers the explosion of emotions that we know as grief?
So, in typical Bob fashion, I went searching for an answer. I found that clinically there are 16 different types of grief. I won’t bore you with the different types, but as you read the criteria for each type of grief it starts to answer some questions. Most assuredly, the answer lies in the relationship you had with a person and the importance he or she might have in your life.
At the end of day, I prefer an unscientific answer to what I believe to be a purely emotional issue. I like to think our hearts have a special spot for our memories of loved ones like parents and children and then special friends and relatives. I know this special spot has a place for pets and yet another for objects or “things” lost or forsaken.
What triggers that bomb that sets off that emotion that we call grief? There is no question that the realization off the loss is the spark. That realization may come upon hearing the news or perhaps later as the loss starts to sink into our consciousness. I think it’s our collected experience and interaction with that person or pet or yes, object that determines what type of grief we experience or how big of an explosion we will experience.
Well, that’s the rambling of an arm-chair-philosopher for sure, and I’m sure my opinion on the matter could be slammed by many professionals. I defer to your professional status and highly recommend grief counseling to any person struggling with the issue.
For me, I’m fine with my homespun philosophy and when someone I know, knew, love or loved passes on, I’ll just let the emotions explode to what ever level my psyche allows and then include them in my prayers and hope that the ones who loved them the most can find peace.
Joy comes, grief goes, we know not how.
