What Have I Learned in My 70 years on Earth; And What I Believe Now.
Social media posts by people proclaiming “what they believe” or “what they have learned” usually catch my attention. I’m always on the lookout for nuggets of “folk” wisdom.
While my interest didn’t start with Robert Fulgham’s book All I Really Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten, that book so impressed me that I read virtually all his other books. “Kindergarten” literally means “Garden of Children”. It’s a good book. You should read it someday. Put it on your list.
One of my strongest “learnings” or “beliefs” is that people inherently know “right” from “wrong”. I’m not saying everyone knows. Childhood trauma, for example, can distort someone’s mind in such a way that they become pathological. But let’s set that aside.
Many of the people I know that I consider the most “moral” or “ethical” are avowed atheists, or at least agnostic. These people do not need to be told by some outside body claiming moral authority what is right and what is wrong. They can feel it. They can see it.
There are 10 major religions on this planet, and if all religions are included, over 10,000. Most of them have a “code” of conduct. Most have their own concept of “god” or “gods” to which this code is linked. Some of these gods are mean sons-of-bitches. Some of them are loving. Some of them are both, simultaneously. Full disclosure, I was brought up Catholic and told it was the “one, true religion.” Preferring “disorganized” to “organized” religion, I converted to Unitarianism after having children, thinking that they should have some exposure to “religion”, as they would hear about it from their friends and maybe wonder why they didn’t belong to one. I think it was worthwhile, even though my young daughter used to announce to people “We’re Loonitarians.” I can think of worse things to be.
I’ve also believe that, contrary to common wisdom, “first impressions” are usually wrong. In fact, they can be downright harmful. Think about it. How are first impressions formed? Based on experience and similarity. We apply what we know and what we are familiar with to help understand what we are currently experiencing.
When I see someone who physically reminds me of my Uncle Buck, for example, and then notice in the first few moments of observation maybe even acts a little like my Uncle Buck, my first impression can prevent me from seeing the real Uncle Buck-a-like. When I meet him and have a chance to interact with him, I can see that appearances were deceiving if I haven’t already formed too strong an opinion. Meeting someone with a pre-determined opinion of what they are like is a big deterrent to discovering what that person is like. Pre-conceived notions, especially when based on irrelevant experience, distorts our ability to see what is really there.
I’ve learned to take my first impressions, consider where they came from, and put them in the recycle bin, where they will be automatically deleted in 30 days. This allows me to really meet “new” people and see them for who they really are, or at least who they are really pretending to be. And what’s interesting is the older one gets, the more important this is. At 70, I have a larger stock of people and personalities in my head, making it easy to pigeonhole new ones in an instant. It’s a trap that I’m glad I discovered, as it allows me to get to know people for who they are, and not to judge them for whom they may resemble.
And last, for now at least, I’ve learned that it is good to have a list of things I want to do. THE LIST, I call it. Broken out into categories such as “Work”, Finance”, “Autos”, “Vacations”, etc. You get the picture. Simply writing down the “to do’s” in my head helps me feel that I am somewhat in control.
Early on in my life I had a goal of getting to the end of that list, crossing off everything, and being able then to breathe a sigh of relief and start anew tomorrow. That goal made me think I was always behind and had to catch up. I’ve never understood people in retirement who apparently have a short list and are now bored as they don’t know what to do when they get up each day. I’d like to see their list.
When starting the job I would end my career with, I had a call with a good friend in which I was lamenting that I could never seem to get very far on my list. And how much I’d love to just once, get to the bottom, and start fresh the next day. In his infinite wisdom, he said without hesitation “Bob, the list is infinite. You’ll never get to the bottom of it.” At first, I lamented that fact. Now, at this stage of my life, I realize that is really a blessing. I’m never bored. I always have something to do. Each day brings many choices, most of which are things I want to do as opposed to things I have to do. And the things that are left on my list when I finally depart this world for whatever lie ahead, well, that’s no longer my responsibility. At that point I can start a new list. Or not.
